"The Nutty Professor"

“ Women, there is a never known mystery about them . If any man comes to know it, that’s it, he can’t enjoy sexual satisfaction from any woman.”
The above statement is not mine, but of Praveen sir. He taught me Environmental studies in fourth semester of my engineering course. Before telling you anything more about him I have to make clear something here itself. If you are reading it to know about that ‘women mystery’ ,Sorry man, I don’t know. Not only me, none of my other classmates know it. Just because all of us were straight or rather none of us were gay. We dint want to lose something for which we were living for by just listening to that ‘mystery’. So I dint ask him what was that mystery surrounding the beautiful devils, neither did my friends. I am just another man ignorant about the holy secret of women.

Ok. Let me now tell you about Praveen sir. He’s not a mere man, but a phenomenon. Just like a Tsunami Which happens once in a while and devastates everything and you can’t forget it. He is 40% intelligent and 60% crazy. I met him for the first time when I was in my third semester. We, the Mechanical engineering department, were conducting an automobile and mechanical engineering exhibition. One of the highlighted items which got plenty of media coverage and popularity among common people was a new invention called ‘The pedal cycle’. None else was behind it, but Praveen sir. It was a cycle which yields double rotation of the wheel for a 180 degree rotation of pedal. If you don’t understand what I just said, just leave it. It‘s none of your business, neither mine. And please don’t ask me why it is named ‘pedal cycle’ as if other cycles don’t have a pedal. Frankly, I don’t know why.

Flash back is over, today is the first day of my fourth semester classes. The same class room we used for third semester classes. Same friends, same benches, same desks, same blackboard and same girls on the corridor. All of us were busy preparing the ‘In Progress Assignments’ of third semester which were planned to submit by a fortnight back . We could not submit it on time because we were trying for perfection. And the guy who always get it perfect submitted it on time without taking a perfect photocopy of the same. I never felt I was in a new semester. I continued copying assignments and watching girls sitting on the first bench itself. Suddenly I heard a sound which I felt like coming from a man.

“Excuse me”

I looked up. Here we go, Praveen sir. I stood up and walked towards the door where he was standing.

“yes”

“Is it fourth semester mechanical engineering batch?”

“No sir, it’s third semester only”

“Oh. Someone told me it’s here. Could you please tell me where is the fourth semester class going on?”

“Yea sure sir, I think it is in the next block” I pointed at the next block of buildings which was not that far away, if you consider around 200 meters is not that far away.

“Thank you”. He walked away.

I came back to my seat and continued what I was doing. After one hour I saw Praveen sir standing at my classroom door. He was tired, sweat was flowing from his head and his hair was disturbed by the wind. What happened to this man within one hour? Did fourth semester guys manhandled him? This time he spoke to some other guy and he entered the class room. Everyone stood up and so did I. He threw a dirty look at me. Why? Did I steal your girlfriend from you?

Anyway he stopped staring at me and addressed the whole class.

“Hi, I am Praveen . I did my MS from US and I have a work experience of ten years in US. I will be teaching you Environmental studies for this semester.”

What?! What you mean by this semester…. I started asking this question to my self and even before finishing it I could find out the answer. Oh! Shit, now only I understood the meaning of that dirty look. A man, who toiled away in a 120 acre campus can only give such a look. Oh my god, I'm finished!

“I am a techno guy, I won’t teach you this stupid environmental studies. You can study it by yourself. We will discuss some general topics”

Everyone was happy about it. None wanted to be taught about NGO s and natural calamity. He started or the first bomb was exploded.

“You know guys, what is the basic reason behind terrorism. It’s nothing but sex”
W
hat the f@#$!!! What is the logic behind it?

Suddenly,Arun, one geek of my class stood up. He pointed his finger at Praveen sir and roared.

“Sir, you are insulting the entire terrorists”
Buddy, you lost your internal assessment marks. I giggled. Praveen sir saw me. He pointed at me

“Why are you laughing man?”

I stood up “ Nothing sir, I think you are right. If you consider Osama Bin Laden’s case you can assure it. I don’t even remember how many wives he got” I answered. Praveen sir was happy to find someone just like him. He smiled and nodded. And I wanted him to forget his expedition in search of fourth semester classroom and my contributions towards his adventure. To get familiar with him I threw an question at him which I was sure everyone wanted to know.

“Sir, Why did you leave US?”

“Oh, that’s a long story. Actually I dint leave. They asked me to leave”

That’s for sure. I can’t blame them.

“I proposed a new idea to increase the productivity. It was such a cool and innovative one that made my managers think about me. They started fearing about me. They thought I will replace them and they will lose their job. That’s it. They gave me termination letter. Bloody corporate idiots”

“That’s so sad, sir”

“ That’s not that sad. Because of my return, India got one of the best talent it produced back home”

“True sir”

God save India. All Indians could have shared this talent equally among them. But why did India ask only us 50 guys to share this talent alone?

In between one other guy asked him . “Are you married?”

“No, I m not. I am 32 yrs old but single”

“Why sir? You are handsome enough to get a pretty girl to marry” Arun cracked the joke of his life.

“Yes, but I tell you something.

There is a hot cup of tea placed in front of you. The smell of its flavours is killing your nose. You want to drink right now and that too in a single sip.
You will bring your hand to hold the tea cup but the people around you will tell you.

‘Wait, wait, it’s not the right time.’

You will wait for 5 minutes and again your hand will start moving towards the cup. Then the same advice will touch your ears.

‘Wait, let the right time come.’

After one hour when the tea is ice cold and you absolutely don’t want to drink it, the people around you will start saying that

‘ Drink, c’mon drink the tea, what are you waiting for?’

This is the story behind my bachelor life”

My eyes became wet after hearing to his story. A man who was expelled from his job for telling non sense all the time and rejected by all the girls was sharing his pain with us.

The next day, he came with a new invention. “The Pedal Pump”. The pump is run by rotating the pedal with your legs. No need of electric motor. Wow! He was displaying a demonstration of the pump. He asked me to bring some girls to watch it. If girls are around he will feel more enthusiasm, that’s what he told me.

“Sir, I don’t think any girl will come if I invite them”. I told the truth.

“You just go and tell them my name, they must have seen my cycle”

That’s the real problem sir. I wanted to say.

“I don’t think any girl in this campus will be so adventurous to come to a mechanical class room” I cried to him.

“ Go and get some girls” His voice changed.

I went and told all the lady teachers that Praveen sir was calling them. They came to the spot. Praveen sir can’t deny the fact he dint mention the age limit of the girls to me.

The show was over. Praveen sir rotated the pedal with his legs and water came out of the delivery pipe. Everyone clapped. Praveen sir boasted himself. Teachers cursed me.
Show is over. Now this heavy thing, I mean the pump should be taken back to his home. He had brought a car which seems to be stolen from somewhere. He asked everyone.

“I want someone to come with me and help me to take it to my home”

This is the right opportunity. If you help him he will reward you with loads of internal assessment marks. I jumped in and said

“I will sir. Any way your house is near to the bus stand, just drop me at the bus stand after we are done with the pump”

I lifted that heavy thing and placed it inside the car. I opened the front door of the car and entered. He started the engine , the car started with a loud noise. It jerked and smoke was coming out of the silencer [I don’t know whether that silencer worths calling it so] like volcano eruption. I blamed myself for doubting sir, he dint steal this car. No one can steal this car, some rival must have presented him this car for free.

We started a horrible journey to his house. He complained to me.

“Here, no one arranged a meeting to appreciate me “

“about what sir?”

“about my invention, the pedal pump”

“oh! Yes sir, may be because there is not enough girls , that’s why”

“Yea, you are right. If girls were here they would have arranged a function to felicitate me”

“We will plan one for you”
I promised and I saw a dream in which marks were piling up for me like olive leaves.

“What’s your opinion about my pump?”

“Great sir, I have never seen something like this. But I have a doubt”

I wanted to ask him some stupid doubt and make an impression on him. Before that I have to tell you something. A pump is attached to two pipes, one suction pipe and other delivery pipe. The suction pump is the one which got a foot valve at the base and immersed in water and brings water to pump. The delivery pipe is the one collects water from pump and gives water to us. And I asked my doubt.

“Sir, The suction pipe will be maximum of 5 to six meters for pumps run with heavy electric motors. But our pump is run with manpower and the maximum length of suction pump will be limited to one or two meters. And wells are generally more than 10 meters deep. So what are you expecting, we have to get into the well to run the pump?”

I expected an answer from him. I never knew that I asked a genuine doubt. He dint answer but asked a question in return.

“What is your name?”

“Gopikuttan”

“hmmmmmmmmmmm”

I could easily understand the meaning of that ‘hmmm’. I could see the piled up marks were taken away by wind.

We reached his house,. It was a huge house.

“Sir, is it your house?”

“I am staying here. Actually my relative owns it”

His relative should have around 100 houses to let someone like him to stay here. Otherwise his relative will be just like him, crazy.

The pump was dumped in the car porch and Praveen was went inside the house. I waited outside . He came back with a bottle of water and gave me.

“Drink”

I drank and waited for him to get back into the car and drop me in the bus stand.
He walked towards the gate and asked me to follow him. I obeyed.
He showed the road to me and told me.

“Thanks for the help. Now you may go. The bus stand is at walkable distance.”

I remembered the day when I made him walk all around the campus to find my class room while I was walking towards the bus stand which was at a walkable distance of one and half kilometers.